Prize Winner

A couple years ago, Kimmy decided it was time to start over, get back on the wagon and start dieting and working out again.  That day started out a great day, and she was really feeling good about her progress.  She went to the grocery store to buy some healthy, good food to start everything off right.  She went to check out when her cashier revealed to her that today was really special.  She was the store’s monthly prize winner.  Mom got SO excited… she had really never won anything, and her life was finally headed in the right direction.  Then the cashier handed over her prize voucher…. it was for 1 month’s worth of FREE ice cream.  So much for that diet.  COME ON!!!!

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Power Walker

She swings her arms high and strong when she walks.  She knows it bugs me.

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Save the Children

I had got myself into some big mess at school. I was supposed to write about a big event that changed my life. I did what I do best, and made it up. I wrote about how I had gone to Africa to help the starving children. I mentioned Jane, a family friend who had actually gone to Africa to distribute toys a few years earlier. I don’t know why I put her in the story, but I thought with names it would sound more legit. Well as it turned out, my English teacher knew a Jane who had done the very same thing. She approached me about it and asked if it was the same person. It was the same person. I was caught off guard and told her it was someone else from California that I knew and denied the whole situation. I was all worried that my teacher was going to talk with Jane and they’d connect the dots and call my bluff. I told my mom about it and she suggested that I come clean about the whole lie and just write her a letter explaining the whole thing. I didn’t want to, so she wrote it and pretended it was me. I still don’t know what the letter said, but from then on I was my English teachers favorite student and still get emails here and there from her. Thanks mom!

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Walking in her Shoes

One time when she was visiting me at work in Utah, my co-worker and good friend Jamie noticed she was wearing two different shoes. She didn’t tell me until my mom went outside, so I had to see for myself. Sure enough, she was wearing two TOTALLY different shoes. Not just different colors, we’re talking a tennis shoe and a flat. How can you not tell? Can you not feel the difference? I asked her if she knew what she had done, she replied “oh, whoops”. It was at least 3 in the afternoon. Wow.

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Comeback Queen

When Kimberly gets mad she is funny. She gets all flustered and the best things come out of her mouth. “Does that make you feel like a man?” is a popular one, or “did something happen at school today?”.

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She let it slip

Okay, this story is funny. Mom was sitting down on the couch watching tv with her leg up on the arm rest sprawled out. Probably eating popcorn. She heard someone come down the stairs, thought it was Duke and nothing more. She felt something hit her in the head, ignored it…then again and again. She threw some popcorn back at him, looked back and he was hiding behind a chair. This went on for a few minutes then mom thought she’d be funny and let out a huge LONG fart. It was silent for a minute, then she heard giggles from behind her. She looked back, and Duke was crying he was laughing so hard. “What’s so funny?” she said. Then, Khaled, Duke’s friend popped his head up from behind the chair. “Oh my gosh!” she whispered, then got up and sprinted up the stairs, into her room and shut the door. She was mortified. She could never look him in the eyes again.

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Gets her every time

Some people think we’re mean to our mother, maybe a little.  It’s all in good fun.  When we were little, dad always had a carabiner with strap attached to the front passenger seat headrest of his car to keep his briefcase from falling over when he went around corners and stuff.  After church we would all try to see who could get it to attach to mom’s hair through her pony tail so when she got out it would pull her back in.  Okay, it’s kinda mean, but hilarious every time we did it.  We got it to work about 80% of the time.  I just don’t understand how she couldn’t feel us putting it in there.. a big carabiner. . Silly mom!

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Gleam in your Eye

Kimberly says that it was “cool” to put Vaseline on your eyelashes when she was a kid.  That it made them shine and look longer.  All the cool older girls did it.  I don’t why they would,  maybe mascara wasn’t invented way back then.  One day, after school mom went into my Grandma’s bathroom and took out what she thought was Vaseline… nope, it was Mentholatum (similar to Vicks Vapor Rub, or Tiger Balm). She took two big scoops out and lathered them on her lashes.  It burned and burned and wouldn’t wash out.  Hours went by with them burning, all she could do was put a wet washcloth over them and wait for her mom to get home.  Wowie!

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Worst Nightmare

Kimberly has had a reoccurring dream since she was a child.  If anyone can translate this one, it would help her tremendously.  She’s being chased by ghosts, they shoot her in the butt and all her teeth fall out.  The teeth falling out is the scariest part for her.  She’s got falsies in front. Her greatest fear is that when the world comes to an end, and her tooth breaks, she won’t have anyone to fix it and she’ll have to walk around with the little spikes that are left under her fake ones.

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Kimberly loves antique shopping.  What older woman doesn’t?  She and a friend went to a shop downtown and were quickly overwhelmed with all the treasures.  Kim turned around to look at some more stuff when her purse swung and smacked a very large vintage Tiffany lamp to the floor.  It shattered into a million pieces.  Mom’s friend bolted out the door and left her in the dust.  The lamp was easily at least $200, well over her budget for the trip.  She turned on the charm, probably mentioned the 8 kids at home, and got the shopkeeper on her side.  He admitted he had been mentioning for some time that the place was too cluttered and that they should have not had the merchandise so cluttered and in the way.  Now I know the true reason my dad doesn’t like going to those shops with her.  She is a hazard to be around.  Why does stuff like this happen to her ALL THE TIME?!!

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